Reasons why I'm okay being single

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: 

It's raining outside right now, and I figure that this is the perfect time for me to write this.
I kid. It took me quite a long time to write this, and I was thinking whether or not to post it.
If you're reading this and in a rush, well i'm flattered, but this is going to be a very long post,
so I suggest you leave it aside first. Or if you're reading this before you sleep, well SHAME ON YOU.
How can you read my blog just before your bed time?
what would people think about me now when you tell them that you read my blog to sleep.
:P

First of all, I didn't want to offend anybody, especially my ex boyfriend(s). or my future boyfriend(s)...

What I'm about to say now is only just in general and it's not coming from just one relationship 

but throughout my whole life experience of relationshits. haha I kid, relationships are great, 

and if you're in one, good for you! If you're not it's okay, just hold my hand,
and we'll take a walk on an island where's there's endless sunsets,
you staring at me, I'm staring at you...
just promise me you won't get too desperate with me.

I am so so so single right now, I'm not even dating anyone! well I was...and I wish I could say I was still dating him,
but it's over. Maybe I'll let you guys know the whole story next time... Maybe! but no promises.just keep beggin
but honestly, I feel so great being single. although sometimes I wanna scream and shout I'm not and I want a boyfriend.
oh gosh, what's wrong with me...

but first I wanna talk ootd


dope top : FASHION SANITY / floral skirt + stocking : topshop / floral headband : CGV
photo credits : JIM CHUAH

This Dope logo is going ways man, I see a lot of fashion bloggers wearing it, even miley! 

Being a graphic designer, I do appreciate how special a font is, and I have a special love for cursive fonts, 

Good cursive fonts are hard to find, I never had any tops with words before,

but when I saw this top HERE + HERE and their coolest snapback HERE

my heart stopped and I knew I had to get them from FASHION SANITY 

Altho I wished I look as gorgeous as the models, OMG. Why are they so hot?!

I love how FASHION SANITY alwayssss constantly upload new stuffs online,

it's like whenever I have the urge to shop (but stuck at the office,shh!) 

I can just simply easily browse through their items.

I'm honestly so hooked on their crazy sunnies HERE

this top HERE

this top HERE

and OMG they have the zara inspired skorts HERE !!

no wonder I'm always so broke.. haha! 

OMG and these marc jacobs shoes HERE are too cute! 

okay, stop it Juliana. Stop it. 

back to topic. 

Independence.

...is something that grew on me for the last couple of years when I started to live alone, 

but yet even more after I broke up a few months ago.

Friends were shocked when I said I cooked (apparently I'm quite a good chef thank you), 

some were surprise I drove because I just started driving and had to learn all the roads mostly by myself.

"Don't you stay with your parents?" they would ask.

well no, I stay with my mom only, but she's a superwomen who works all day and have such limited time to spend with me.

I hardly see her upfront when I get back home only during the weekends we could talk longer. 

So i had to learn everything all by myself over again, roads, places, had to earn and spend my own money,

had to feed and support myself, and at the same time support so many other gazillion funds, it's difficult. haha, but I'm still learning.

Believe me I've always used to be the one of those girls who changes boyfriends like changing clothes,

which is what my friend said, of course. I always had a guy beside me, someone that would spend on me, 

someone that would spoil me, someone who I could depend or rely on, someone to always watch movie with.

I was so use to sharing everything, from thoughts, ideas, and to arguing about different opinion.

Being single is lonely, but it's definitely more independent. 

I actually love being independent, I feel so much more powerful and I love it when my friends admire my independence, 

It's also encouraging to know I definitely became more mature, in the most tangible way even I feel it myself. 

it's just one of those things that makes me smile and think of when I shower and feel as if I'm not enough. 

LOL. well I was feeling that for some random times. 

I question about my status in a relationship, like why am i still single??

is it me? Am I not good enough ? not fun enough?  not pretty enough?

then I thought about how fun it is being single, how great is it to have this much freedom, and 

being able to have my total selfish privacy and how all my friends who are in a relationship tell me how they miss being single.

How I don't think I ever want to trade this awesome package of freedom for a committed relationship,

How I ever wouldn't want to commit to something that would hurt you deeply in return

being me is good, it's so great being single right now... 

and then I think what's wrong with me again. 

A lot of my friends (okay maybe none) has been asking me about my single life now, 

and honestly I'm surprised to say that I'm totally fine with it. To be completely honest, I love it(!) it's dangerous.

I think about my future, when I was massaging my mom's neck yesterday she said,

"Now you help me massage, when you're old and I'm gone, no one help you massage. *laughs*"

How could she laugh at something that I had to think deeply about, I shudder at the thought of that.

That my mom can be laughing at me being all alone by myself when she's not around....

How petrifying is that? to imagine me living alone (of course just having flings but not a serious relationship), 

and I have to die alone without any lover or anyone caring about me @___@ 

But besides that dreadful thought, I love how much "me" time I have right now, it's all about timing actually, 

which brings me to my second point, timing. 

Remember the guy that I said I used to date? well if we met at the right time, I believe we would be inseparable.

For me timing right now is so important, and I'm glad I'm not in a relationship right now mainly because of work.

As you guys know, advertising lane is a job that can take a lot of your time,

some of my friends who are in advertising go back super late like 12am on average. 

All I wanna do right now is focus on my job and try to build my career 

because I believe that it's the first step that you take is important.

Normally how people look at it is that you'll learn more through experience and through steps,

but I do believe that timing, and the first step is as important. same goes to relationship,

for me, I know that this is not gonna be the right timing for me to get involve in a relationship.

Your boyfriend will be getting worried if you're coming home late, 

wondering if you're seeing some other hot guy in the office,

or you know just not understanding about that. 

Besides, I have so much "me" time that I enjoy best!

I can explore myself even more... omg sounds wrong again...

but I'm not gonna lie, being single can be very lonely sometimes,
especially when 98% of my friends have a partner now. It's difficult to find friends just to hang with, but i'm trying :)

for those of you who just got out of a relationship, here's some inspiring quotes for you:

" your past is just a story, and if you can accept that then just turn to the next page."

" you make a decision you wanna move on, it doesn't just works like that. You have to get up,
move, take action, because thinking about it won't work."

"technologies are advance now, it's so easy to just click delete when you type wrong worfi3es (delete),
see I'm doing it right now. Deleting someone is easy too, if you believe it's easy, then it shall be easy."

"relationships, it's like committing yourself into an unstabalized risk of getting yourself hurt.

would you want to run around with scissors? no? but you'll still try it."

" the way to predict your future, is to create it."

I hope whatever it is, or whatever phrases or problems you may be facing,
don't be discourage by any doubt you have in yourself, because doubt can only be removed with actions.


Happy Wednesday people! 
you passed Monday AND Tuesday that's so great! you can move mountains! 
soon it will be Thursday.. then FRIDAY! :)