What is wrong with me.
This post tittle clearly pops out the question for me lately,
What is wrong actually ?
Fatigue about what life has to offer.Fatigue about how troublesome things are.Some times it just makes me wanna burst out and cry.And to be alone…I donno what emo shit has gotten into me.but all I can do to make my feelings feel better is to splurge.
Spending money like drinking water.
what I get from it is instant relief, a feeling of happiness.but at nights I will cry without reason. I will pull myself into the abyss of sadness and sail around the sea of gloomy-ness.My recent ups and downs mood is so terrifying I get shocked at how my reations can change in a split second.In a snap I could cut you so deep it fucking hurts.
Yeah, I know my mood have disturb you,
maybe even got you fed up and upset.
sorry for all the times when I am in a good mood i lift you up high so high and when I was in a bad mood i push you deep down and make you bleed until it hurts me too.
But I donno what’s wrong with me. Seriously. I feel like I wanna stab myself,
then stab myself again for complaining that it hurts.
I know I'm being selfish and that I should care more about other people's feelings, but what can i do if I can't even fix my own feelings ? Coming back to reality. It hurts, all of a sudden the excitement that life brings suddenly shuts you out and kicks you in the butt. I hate myself for being like this, but the more I hate the more I fear.and the more I fear the more I'll be covered up and be all alone.
and lastly when you're all alone , you complain that you're lonely.
now I know why desperate people seek for therapist, it's not surprising to find that at the end of the day you got no one to talk to.
Not your boyfriend, Not your friends.
you just need someone understanding and could help you understand yourself.
my heart can't take it anymore. I can't find my heart in doing things anymore.