What is wrong with me ?

here's a lil picture taken of me today

the people in the background are so annoiying.

they look like they're looking at me.

LOL. no offense tho if you're the person .

Went to KLCC to get my mind off Sunway for the weekends.

So i went to the Art Gallery.

I love visiting the art gallery there.

Alone.

I feel like I need some time to touch the inner part of myself sometimes,

when I feel like i need inspiration I would just be alone.

haha.

quite funny tho.

so there was this activity going on where they ask you to choose your favorite work of art from the exhibition, and draw your own impression of it.

I didn't really get what it mean so I just draw what I felt.

so My fav from the current expo was a showcase of Japanese Full body amour, and some thai and korean and malaysian treasures around it,

quite lame the display but I only liked it cuz it has JApaneseeee lol.

and so i sketched.

I drew a guy in Jap full body armor holding a Malaysian weapon with Thai legs(shoes) holding an elephant. with some other elephants behind.

I oso dono what I'm doing lah.

just trying to mix things up.

then you get free gifts from the Gallery.

:)

then later on Roxy had a 2 day SALE. thank gowd I was there on the first day .

there was a Buy 2 free 1 and a Buy 3 free 3

OMG.

but the buy 3 free 3 was in the morning so too bad I couldn't make it

I have always been a fan of Roxy, since i was 12 i guess. :/

too bad I ain't got the body to wear their pretty bikinis.

which cost about 300 bucks per suit. :/

so I got myself some cute slippers :D

and check out this Made of Paper HAT.

kewl :P . but no one can tell cause it looks like just a typical straw hat.

then later on when to buy some titbits and snacks.

wanted to try this Organic Green tea from Marks and spencers.

I was attracted to the packaging actually, like every other food products I buy.

But kindda regret cause it TOO ULTRA green tea for me.

Cleansers up your tummy in a jiffy !

which means that it makes you poop any moment after you consume it. :/

it's too cute to resisttttt...

so cute that I even need to edit the picture.

then the 2nd day back to sunway I just Had to buy myself somemore stuff....

I took out 400+ bucks from my account for myself for there man...

seriously I donno what's gotten into me.

why do I shop so much these day ?

What is wrong with me.

This post tittle clearly pops out the question for me lately,

What is wrong actually ?

Fatigue.

.

.

.

.

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Fatigue about what life has to offer.Fatigue about how troublesome things are.Some times it just makes me wanna burst out and cry.And to be alone…I donno what emo shit has gotten into me.but all I can do to make my feelings feel better is to splurge.

Spending money like drinking water.

what I get from it is instant relief, a feeling of happiness.but at nights I will cry without reason. I will pull myself into the abyss of sadness and sail around the sea of gloomy-ness.My recent ups and downs mood is so terrifying I get shocked at how my reations can change in a split second.In a snap I could cut you so deep it fucking hurts.

Yeah, I know my mood have disturb you,

maybe even got you fed up and upset.

sorry for all the times when I am in a good mood i lift you up high so high and when I was in a bad mood i push you deep down and make you bleed until it hurts me too.

But I donno what’s wrong with me. Seriously. I feel like I wanna stab myself,

then stab myself again for complaining that it hurts.

I know I'm being selfish and that I should care more about other people's feelings, but what can i do if I can't even fix my own feelings ? Coming back to reality. It hurts, all of a sudden the excitement that life brings suddenly shuts you out and kicks you in the butt. I hate myself for being like this, but the more I hate the more I fear.and the more I fear the more I'll be covered up and be all alone.

and lastly when you're all alone , you complain that you're lonely.

now I know why desperate people seek for therapist, it's not surprising to find that at the end of the day you got no one to talk to.

Not your boyfriend, Not your friends.

you just need someone understanding and could help you understand yourself.

my heart can't take it anymore. I can't find my heart in doing things anymore.

anymore

no more.