A break

A series of misfortunate events has surpass my life for a few weeks now.
One of them includes the death of my beloved grandmother who raised me up from young.
Her death was shocking. it bought tears, grief, and a unmeasurable void left in my heart.
It was also the most cruel countdown that I had to ever face.
Times like these you need to have a break in your life,
Times like these got me thinking about death and living,
Times like these got me thinking where would you'll be after death;
and how can we be so sure that the person who died is in a better place 'heaven'?
Have you ever experience holding someone's hand and watch them fight for their last breath?
Well my grandmother was the first one that I had to experience saying goodbye to forever.
I never knew how much pain would cause that you'll never see that person ever again.
Sitting on her bed where she used to lay, with the curtains closed and only the heaviness in the air,
hearing the clock ticking with no presence in the room has made me realize how drastically insensitive reality can be.
I guess that's what the 'real' in reality is used for.

I will need to blog about her because if i don't I may not be able to move forward.
But i know now's not the right time because I haven't handle it well yet.
And I know what I blog about will be just fake happiness that I pretend,
until i learn how to grow out and move on from this grief.
So I'm sincerely sorry that I will not be blogging as much as I want to for maybe this month or so,
I need a breather for this chapter of my life.


till then my beloved readers, I hope you'll understand